The Whole Truth

It was, if nothing else, an eventuality. I had felt the tendrils of it' presence lingering on the edges of my conscience for such a lon time that I had almost become accustomed to it's monotonou droning presence. It comes time in every relationship when yo reevaluate the reason for it's persistence and whether or not you ar truly happy
It is because of all of these eventualities that I find myself in a place that I haven't been in a long time, not attached to anyone but myself and existing in the kind of freedom that I don't think I've ever known. I realized that I have rarely enjoyed being in a relationship with the kind of easy freedom that is so often described to me. That spending time with another person compulsorily due to some physical/emotional attraction, has never been enough to satisfy me and if anything it only impedes my ability to create which is what really makes me happy, is simply a bad idea. It hurts the other person deeply and it just makes me unhappy.
I hadn't intended the shit to hit the fan the way it did, but it had to happen soon and unfortunately it happened in the middle of the night in the kind ofexhausting way that people envision what amounts to about 5 years of "our" life crashing down around our ears. Or rather his ears and mine. He will probably never understand. He's a wonderful man but I just can't love that way anymore. The resulting emotional train wreck damage has yet to be really clear and I end up sitting here at my computer realizing that I am alone.
and I know it's the right place to be.
So you get up late a couple days and smoke too much and maybe have one or two extra glasses of wine but eventually you gotta cut out the shit make a cup of coffee, clean the kitchen, and re-edit that screenplay.
which is where I am right now.