help me kill my time

I'm sitting writing when I should be packing
the shade is down, it always is now
I prefer artifical light
I'm rendering myself useless through my own self doubt,
wishing I could dispose of those parts of myself I find
boring
disturbing
cliche'
I need to keep moving foward,
Soon I hope to be
Just somebody that I used to know.

***

It's time to go to see my old self
in a town I hate
in a mirror i broke
and all the little shards keep sticking into my hands
i'm always bleeding on the new blue bedsheets

***

between sleepy cities

***

when you grow up youre gonna be a freak
i wanna be a girl
who's not scared of anything

***
"Being 'The Girl in the Funny T-shirts? That's what you're afraid of?' he said amused with me.
"yup"

I nod.

actually i'm really afraid of being a cliche', that's what I was really trying to say friend. i'm pretty impressed by the fact that you are special by nature of who you are and I have to wear stupid clothes to be different. even my belt has a big mouth

***

?

i got a question mark

i dream and i don't know what it means